I watched your hands find their way to marbled kitchens—a sorcerer of pots and pans—you found it hard to stand so you would sit—sinking in the velvet of our dinner chairs—casting culinary magic—humming Noor Jehan slightly out of tune—I look at our photograph—the one in Aga Khan hospital—you enshrouded in sky blue comfort—butterflies etched on your purse—me at 5 or 6 in white dungarees—I think you got your heart checked that day—and the many years after that—I told you I wanted to be a cardiologist—so I could fix you—and you would stay with me forever—you had laughed and kissed my cheek—your breath a mix of paan and love—remember our long drives to the mazaar—as I sat lumped against you—in our broken and loveable Khyber—pungent-red and eager—the cool Karachi night breeze harmonising against our skin—raising little mountains across my arm—I watched you silently mouth prayers for your children and grandchildren—sometimes we would walk up the uneven steps of the mazaar—go to the kabar of Abdullah Shah Ghazi—put our palms together to the chandeliers—you would rub hot jasmine oil at the back of my sweaty neck—gently blow your duroods on my face—something familiar and tingly would murmur its way down my spine—sometimes we would go to Clifton beach—we would take our slippers off—let the happy sand eat the flesh between our toes—walk to the water—feel the warm pebbles underneath soles—I would look at you—a wrinkled olive beauty—a full unsurpassed woman moon—dressed in thick cotton—wearing infinite gold loops—and everything would make sense in that one moment—
Sidrah Zubair is a poet and teacher living and working in London. She has had work published previously in PERVERSE, Poetry Birmingham Literary Journal, bath magg and Ink Sweat & Tears.
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