I did not understand the completeness of living with you until I lived with you by Oliver Shrouder (Lucent Dreaming Issue 12)

Due to restrictions this poem has modified formatting.

I did not understand the hardship
of texting are you okay
until I rolled over in bed
and there you were, okay –

I did not understand
how badly with love you had bitten me
until I learned to understand how to clean for two
how to scissor out your hair from the vacuum
how to fold a dress, iron around buttons,
ignore the odd socks you always wore,
the pairs I always lost –

I did not understand your daily trail of I’m here
like a desire path
of leaving shoes where they landed
the pile of dishes and recycling
and I realized I could not be blamed alone
for the compartment of crumbs
ever present under the settee
and the permanent lack of milk

I did not understand how easy it would be
to forget who bought the relics
on our windowsill, and our drawer
of miscellaneous things, our little proofs
of pre-life before our life
and we forget did we go to Tenerife together
or was that just me? or
how many leads do we have?
as they catch in the wheels of our chair –

I did not understand my private rituals
of morning coffee brewing
twenty minutes of ceiling staring
and crawling to the bathroom
to splash water, to flannel out the night
until you broke them
and made mornings worth sleeping for
coffee pre-brewed
and your bright eyes pre-ready
for life and already forgetting
their sleep in our bed
with your pillows and my bedsheets
my socks
folded into yours
on the floor

Oliver Shrouder was raised in Grantham, twice voted the most boring town in England, with his Newfoundland, Rosie. Now a Poetry MA graduate from the University of East Anglia, Oliver writes about birds, avocadoes and life. He spends his free time exploring the Norfolk Broads, in the hope that the air will blow Grantham’s smog from his hair.
T: @shrouderwrites

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