I send unsolicited pictures of my cat to my
contacts list. Make an Instagram page devoted
to my leg hair. Watch videos of running water
until I need to pee, revel in the humanness of it
all. Remember what my mother said about making
the best of it. Write the first letters of all my lovers
names on a page to make an acrostic; it spells
JJADED. Spend two hours on eBay searching for
a Singer sewing machine priced at exactly £99.99,
wonder if it’ll be the one to mend. Circle the words
strong-willed in every book I own, scrawl it in lipstick
on my pillow; in steam on the shower door. Remember
what my mother said about making the best of it. Take
the neighbours food waste to restock the fridge, make
a rotting fruit basket to serve myself in the morning.
Steal a bite from a putrid apple, let it foam at my lips.
Use deep heat instead of lube; my insides are a burning
house. Admit myself for arson. Officer, there’s a fire
raging in here. At any mirror I pass; hold my breath,
lock eyes, watch as the colour drains out to form rivers
at my feet, the skin fall in ashes from my face.
Caroline is a poet from London. She is currently at Goldsmiths doing her MA in Creative and Life Writing. When not studying she can be found teaching yoga and creative writing classes at schools and universities, or in her local bookshop where she is helping to plan the inaugural Brockley literary festival.
@carolinedruitt | carolinedruitt.com